FB, Puzzles, Voodoo dolls and Why

-Water color painting by Tobi!-

 I'm sure you're thinking right now, "Voodoo dolls?" and wondering what that's about. So was I when Tobi came into the room asking for one the other day. I somehow didn't think it was as simple as just 'something kids say'. Prying a little deeper made us both upset.

Without going into a lot of detail that should remain private, I will say that it's a terrible feeling to have to try and find words to explain why kids might be mean to you. Why it's not going to solve anything to hurt the ones bullying you. It's even harder when your child has high-functioning autism like Aspergers. No matter how many different ways I say it, her mind just wants to rationalize and understand something that *has* no clear answer. That she sobbed like her heart was broken for two hours over something that I didn't even know was happening the whole school year makes me livid. How can I tell my daughter that striking out is wrong when I feel like doing it myself? Why had no one at her school noticed she was being bullied? Why didn't I??

Since Tobi has started counseling, we've noticed improvement in her opening up. Sadly, that also means we're learning things we had no idea about. Like depression. Tobi has always seemed to be an exuberant child. Yes, she has meltdowns and emotional ups and downs, but her overall personality has always seemed outgoing and happy. Is it possible that it's the ADHD that makes her seem so chipper? Why didn't we know she was so depressed?

With school closed for summer break, our little binga has been bouncy and happy and even able to fall asleep on her own without melatonin. Not that she sleeps as much as she should, or even restfully, but it is a small improvement that we definitely notice. I don't want her fear of this boy in her class again next year to ruin her much needed break, as her fear of math disrupted everything weeks before the 4th grade started. I had such hope for the 5th grade. The artistic kids and Tobi's 'friends' were going to be in her class, to help her transition. That was one of the goals the IEP team set out to put in place. It was supposed to be a positive thing. Now she's despairing about this one boy; obsessing if you will.

-Water color painting by Tobi!-

School will start again in two months. There's no way, even if we managed to raise the whole 6+ grand for a service dog tonight, that Tobi would have her dog before then. It can take upwards of 2 years plus to train a service dog to meet the particular needs of the person they are being trained for. This is why we are desperate to collect that first thousand dollars as fast as we can. The sooner we can put the deposit on the puppy, the sooner the trainer can select a match for Tobi and begin its training.

That first thousand dollars is a mountain we're standing at the bottom of and looking up at. It may not sound so bad - it's just a thousand dollars, right? Don't pay your mortgage for a few months; let your bills pile up; don't eat... This is the mountain we face. Tobi isn't our only child and her siblings deserve as much love and care as she does. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made by everyone in the family, but we can all only do so much without help.

So in closing this post, I wanted to let everyone know that we started a Facebook page for Tobi, but not *just* for Tobi. There are a lot of people in the same situation and they all deserve a voice. Please join us at Paws for our Cause and spread the word!

We still have many, many puzzle pieces, please consider buying one and a huge, wonderful thanks to all of you who already have, and to everyone who cared, shared and supported us thus far! You are all amazing.